Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Randomize
