I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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