I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
