Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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