you guys were way drunker than both of me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
