perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
