I'm so fucking centered right now
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
