What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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