Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
