spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
