her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
