you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
