Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
