What a fucking waste of an outfit
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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