She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
