I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize