What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize