"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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