Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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