I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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