Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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