found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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