Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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