My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
