i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
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I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
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What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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