I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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