Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
