The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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