I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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