why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
