She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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