It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
