Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
