I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
there is glitter all over my balls
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
