Will you blow on my dice?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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