only you would photoshop your dick
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
