wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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