I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
