i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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