if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
