I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
