I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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