chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
