It's Friday. Sex?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
