you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
