haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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