is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
