So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
