I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
