Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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