This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
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Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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