I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dicks are not precious.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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