He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
