once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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