She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
