Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
