So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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