im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
