Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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