May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
