I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
